A while back I started a little project called Notes to Myself, a minibook of reminders to keep me going forward, smiling and happy. Of course, August vacation took over and now months later, I’ve completely lost steam on the original idea.
I think many of us feel extremely guilty when not finishing something. I’ve certainly been plagued by the project, because it was meant to inspire and help me move forward with things. Yet here I am, mid-project and without inspiration… not to mention quite literally feeling bogged down by the guilt and failure of it all. Oftentimes – probably all the time for me – I find it amazingly difficult to give up on a project and admit failure. It’s insanity. I know that it is impossible to do it all. But I attempt it anyway and just drive myself down in the end. Failure is a normal part of life, yet I still want to avoid it at all costs.
I have a huge problem with admitting defeat and failure. It’s certainly not something I’ve learned to deal with properly, because no matter what logical reasonings I come up with…I still feel as if a failure pushes me a peg down the metaphorical ladder of life and success. I used to NOT do something, precisely because I wasn’t sure of 100% success. The madness. I’ve gotten over the fear of starting things up no matter what, but I’m still stuck in the half-finished everything land of limbo now.
I’m obviously not going to overcome it all in a blog post. However, I’ve been thinking about a baby step. I want to rethink my projects and refashion them so that I CAN finish – one way or another. I would feel a whole lot better and would be able to move on.
I realize this isn’t a perfect solution to my resistance to failure and quitting. Okay, I’ve quit sometimes, but certainly not enough times. I need to become more comfortable with it…to really learn that it is okay through experience. However, I think sometimes it’s okay to plow through and finish somehow as well. I can phase out a project or scale it down to be able to get it done (on time, on budget kind of thing).
So I’ve always been a huge fan of Karen Grunberg and really love her teaching at BPC, because her workshops always have an inspiring story and meaningful thoughtful reason behind them. It’s never a copy this project step-by-step kind of thing, which I’m usually not inspired by. I’ve already registered for her upcoming workshop Reclaiming My Time, but I’ve actually been wanting to take the self-paced The Book Of Why class. Suddenly, I realized it’s sort of exactly the kind of book I’ve wanted to make with Notes To Myself. Eureka!
Why not take her class, so that I would have a guide to get through my half-finished minibook? So I’m not admitting failure this time around, but I am admitting defeat in terms of trying to do it all myself. Sometimes we need help and inspiration to get us through – even when it’s something we really want to do… it doesn’t mean that we can do it alone or without help, right? So I’ve bought the class and hopefully will be able to report back with my finished book. Wish me luck.