Today’s prompt was about missing someone or something and it’s always difficult to scrap about a sad subject or event. It’s a dilemma at times… you don’t want to face reality or you only want to record happy things… but NOT documenting such feelings also seems like a huge chunk of real life that is missing. Sometimes I feel like I could never scrap enough to do justice and often simply stall. Sigh. I felt it was time to do a something. This is a completely digital layout with lots of journaling and I printed it out on photo paper to include in my album.
Sometimes I feel that it is silly to publish such personal thoughts, because who would be interested and it’s not that I’m looking for pity or advice or anything really. It’s just an expression. And I suppose that’s okay too… it’s okay to just share. Maybe it’s important to do so… let things out in a way…
The journaling reads…
It’s always hard to say goodbye… and I think sometimes we will never be okay with how things have turned out. We can’t always make sense of this world we live in and ultimately the “could have beens” haunt us. But instead of concentrating on the sorrow, confusion, and chaos – subjects that I will never fully comprehend – I try to think of happy and meaningful memories and how I can move forward and live with that special someone in mind. I miss my father-in-law so much and it’s really difficult to express all the feelings I have inside of me. I often feel cheated, because we didn’t have enough time together. I also feel so much sadness that future generations won’t know him first-hand. When I think about our yet to be born children… I feel so sad that they won’t have their Italian grandpa around. I realized that part of the sadness comes from my childhood of never having a grandpa figure…I don’t even know what I’m missing. I can only assume and it might seem silly, but not knowing what I’m missing doesn’t diminish the value of those feelings… There are those in our family who can express their heartache in tears and I think it’s a good thing to let it all out. But not everyone is like that…we all don’t deal in the same way. I think there are those of us who don’t want to slip into that mode, for fear of never being able to stop crying… So I turn to my own methods of dealing… to somehow carry that person with me forward in life, through their memories and wonderful stories. If the person can’t be there physically, we can certainly attempt to feed their spirit and let it mingle all around us, so that we feel less alone and less loss… that they live on in a different form now. I helped to create a photobook of my father-in-law’s cycling career and have so many other books of stories to create – to try and capture glimpses of him. Things will never be the same and we will always miss him dearly… but at least we can preserve and remember the stories, then pass them onward forever.
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4 Comments
I’m *so* sorry for your loss. I find it VERY difficult to do anything with loss besides talk about it on a not-so-deep level. I can share stories of my grandma with Gracie but I don’t think I could keep it together enough to scrapbook them, almost because it seems like the memories and emotions might bounce off the page and back into me. I know that sounds crazy but at least when I share the stories with Gracie she’s sort of receiving them.
I like how you articulated your experience with your grief- it’s almost as if bringing up the emotions might trigger something hugely emotional that I won’t be able to escape from. This must have been a very difficult page to create. It’s a beautiful tribute, though, to the complex emotions of loss and grief.
I totally know what you mean… it’s almost like you don’t want to stir it all up… because you’ll be a mess – why feed the flame kind of thing! It’s really difficult – there are some things that are so hard to scrap about, even though they are so important and they are stories you want to keep somehow, because there’s something important you want to share with future generations… it’s not easy, but it does feel good…to slowly work through it…
This is very beautiful! It’ can be very difficult to scrap the hard times, but I find that it is therapeutic & also that I can look back later & see that it helped me to grow. Hugs! Thank you for being brave enough to share this!
Great point, yes, I think it does help to scrap through the process and feelings… thanks so much for your comment!